Five years, and I'm still dreaming about him

I have been having a series of dreams about him.

Not my ex.

My would-be killer.

I keep dreaming he finds me and starts stalking me.

Isn't it utterly DUMB that I am still having these nightmares FIVE FREAKING YEARS later?! And even stupider that they make me wake up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding?

People who know what happened say I was brave. They don't know how, afterwards, I was scared. Or how I'm scared now. That's all I do, is do things even though I'm scared. I never tell anyone just how scared I am. And they say I'm brave, while I'm shaking and sweating and feeling cold terror running like a river through my marrow.